The Human Fund

17 May

Embarrassing confession: I LOVE the NY Times wedding announcements.  Reading them is one of my favorite Sunday traditions.  Second only to the weekly panic attack when I realize the next time I’ll wake up it will be Monday.

Reading the announcements always results in a rush of emotions: envy towards those in print, regret for not having an impressive life, longing for love, and of course mocking people’s stories.  So one entry this week caught my eye: “Jesse D. Hendrich, a minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism, officiated.”

I had no idea the Church of Spiritual Humanism even existed.  It sounds kind of like a cult! I know humanism doesn’t involve higher powers and espouses the equality of all humans – I may have even referred to myself as one to impress some pretentious English major.

But it sounds kind of like a cult!  I’ve been fascinated by cults since I read The Face on the Milk Carton in fourth grade.  A girl is kidnapped from her family by a member of a cult who dumps the child with her own parents.  Once I realized there was little to no chance of me being kidnapped, given my baby pictures and my ahem, ethnic uniqueness, I turned my interest to cults.  Once my friend Jenn and I watched this special on the Jonestown massacre and I wished I could somehow join a cult but not get brainwashed, just to observe.

It probably isn’t as exciting as it sounds though. Actually talking to a Humanism minister would probably be like talking to that guy at a house party who tells you about his amazing screenplay while he smokes clove cigarettes and adjusts his fedora.  Also, it reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George invents a charity called “The Human Fund.”  

I still want my wedding announced in the NY Times someday.  Maybe I should start writing the tenets of Snehaism and invent my own religion? That has to up my odds of getting in.

4 Responses to “The Human Fund”

  1. phil May 20, 2009 at 12:14 am #

    “Actually talking to a Humanism minister would probably be like talking to that guy at a house party who tells you about his amazing screenplay while he smokes clove cigarettes and adjusts his fedora. ”

    and this blog is the beginning of your religion, keep on preaching… even if you have no written or specific doctrine, the point of view that you express through your take on events provides the reader with a perspective and fills their head with sneha’s ideas and way of life

  2. Jesse October 23, 2011 at 11:08 pm #

    Hi. I am Jesse, the minister of Spiritual Humanism. Its been a few years since you posted this, but I found it tonight and found it very funny. I have never worn a fedora or smoked clove cigarettes (but, like most residents of Brooklyn, I had a screenplay I was working on when I was in my early twenties…). At any rate, I do not belong to a cult, but if YOU start one, please let me know. And, of course, if you ever get married and needed an officiant, I would consider performing it — that is, if you are interested in being listed in the NY Times.

    • that brown girl October 24, 2011 at 9:45 am #

      I can’t believe you found this! This is amazing. Still single, but I will keep you in mind if/when I ever get married. I live in Brooklyn now…and I have several unfinished short stories so I guess I can’t make fun anymore 🙂

      • Jesse February 21, 2012 at 11:51 pm #

        So its a few months later and I am noodling around on the web… saw your response and just wanted to say: welcome to Brooklyn!

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