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"I’m kind of over feminism…."

2 Apr

The title of this post was said to me by Rebecca Walker, daughter of Alice and accomplished writer/speaker in her own right.  I read her memoir Black, White, and Jewish in a creative non-fiction workshop class freshman year.

I can’t forget what Rebecca Walker said that day, when she visited my college, in response to my query when I said I felt “third-wave” feminists are most publicized for their views on sexual empowerment, to the exclusion of other issues facing modern women.  As a public figure who urged women to take charge of their own fertility in their 20s and spoke of the transforming experience of giving birth, Walker has been ostracized from many liberal feminist circles.

Her 2007 book, Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence, details her pregnancy with son Tenzin. A successful woman in her thirties who was always taught motherhood must not define her, she is bowled over by the love and protection she feels for her unborn baby. She advises young women to have babies, and not wait too long to do so.

I feel similarly about motherhood. Unlike my friends who speak openly about wanting their tubes tied, I knew having a baby was always in my plans. I want to follow in the path of my strong female relatives, who were feminists even if they never knew the word.

I’m sorry third-wave feminism has split mothers and non-mothers, and that even the suggestion to consider your biological clock is enough to ruin a reputation.

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I met David Sedaris!

18 Apr

I first read Me Talk Pretty One Day in high school.  I literally laughed out loud at every single story.  Sitting in my suburban bedroom, I was convinced this subversive, oddball sense of humor was made for me. And surely the squares who populated my high school and town would never understand David Sedaris and his colorful characters. 

I’ve since read Sedaris’ other works, his first book of mostly fictional short stories, Barrel Fever, being my favorite.  And I still took pleasure in the shock other people experienced when they first read his work – in a college creative workshop I giggled at my classmates who just didn’t get it. I gave copies of Naked to two potential suitors, and crossed them off my list when their first reaction was “It’s a little weird.“

When a colleague told me Sedaris was speaking in Ann Arbor recently, I immediately checked Ticket Master and then  Craigslist for two reasonably priced tickets.  I finally bought Sedaris’ most recent book When You Are Engulfed in Flames, a more somber, introspective collection and tucked it in my purse to be signed.

His voice and demeanor were as I expected – the high voice and short stature.  He read aloud from his forthcoming collection about anthromophized animals and from recent diaries about air travel and American vs. European health care.  I enjoyed the performance but my favorites still remain his childhood recollections, especially those featuring his father and brother. 

After the performace, my friend Joanne and I stood in a long line with similarly devoted Sedaris fans trading favorite passages.  Joanne and I planned out what to say: that our recent book club had put Me Talk Pretty One Day on the list and whether any of his books were to be made into movies.  Pictures weren’t allowed but I shot this from the balcony (you can make out his bowed head):

We could see what he was doing to the fans: drawing pictures in all the books and handing out condoms to young men who arrived with their mothers.  The meeting and signing took place so fast but I did find out a film is in the works for a story from Naked called “C.O.G” about the author’s adventures picking apples in Oregon and working for a born-again Christian amputee making jade clocks.  Here’s what he drew in my book (I requested a cat):

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Jhumpa Lahiri’s continuing success

8 Mar

I’m starting a book club with a good friend from work.  As the book club is part of a diversity initiative, we chose Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri for our first book.

Unaccustomed Earth is my favorite Lahiri compliation, though it includes stories published in magazines and other anthologies earlier (like The Best American Non-Required Reading).  One criticism of Lahiri’s work is its focus on a select group of highly accomplished Bengali-Americans.  I agree with this assessment, but I understand Lahiri writing about what she knows and based on my experience, certain stereotypes of Indian-Americans are often true.  My favorite story, “Only Goodness,” breaks from this tradition: Sudha tries to hold her family together as her brother Rahul succumbs to alcoholism.  The most horrifying act Rahul committed (in my opinion) was stealing all his mother’s gold jewelry when he ran away from home.  The jewelry of an Indian woman is often her most prized posession so taking it is the ultimate betrayal.  I hope Lahiri continues to explore darker, more unexpected turns in her work.

According to this Hindustan Times article, President Obama has chosen Lahiri to serve on his Committee on the Arts and Humanities.  Though I joke about her cornering the market on female Indian-American angst (leaving no room for moi!), I’m proud to have such a strong representative of my community achieving such recognition.

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Brown Girl Book Review: Cleaving by Julie Powell

20 Jan

I tried to find Julie Powell’s new book, Cleaving, at Barnes and Noble shortly before Christmas.  When I asked an employee, she told me it wasn’t worth buying in her opinion. With a hand earnestly over her heart, she said she took marriage seriously unlike the author.  With advice like that, I had to read the book, even though I had planned on just skimming it.

Cleaving is the second memoir from Julie Powell, the first being the mega-successful cooking blog-inspired Julie & Julia which spawned a charming film starring Meryl Streep.  Reviews of Cleaving were mixed; the follow-up to Powell’s life involved an apprenticeship at a butcher shop and a crumbling marriage with infidelity on both sides. I’m somewhat of a voyeur and had so many questions for Powell at the end of Julie & Julia. Such as:

Did Julie always plan for her blog to lead to a book contract?  Unlike the movie, in the book she claimed to be a failed actress stuck temping in NYC for years.  She wasn’t that diligent of a cook so what did she plan to do after her yearlong project of cooking every Julia Child recipe ended? Why did she treat her husband like a doormat? Their marriage seemed to be a little troubled even at the time, so how was it surviving Julie’s success?

The book answered a lot of my questions.  Julie seems unable to let go of her husband even after both have affairs.  She turns to a visceral, physical job of butchering in a shop in upstate NY.  She compared every event in her life to her new work with meat: think chopping her feelings, bleeding of hearts, and deboning the excess from her life.  After her butchering apprenticeship ends, she goes on a trip: Around the (Meat) World in 80 days to reflect on her her life.  She ends the book not happily ever after, butchering again but still working on her marriage.

Unlike most critics, I liked the book. Yes, Julie Powell may score high on the narcisstic personality scale but so does every other memoir writer. I think they’re just better at hiding it. I do believe Julie deeply loves her husband Eric as this line proves, when a friend suggests divorce:

As if we could just apply enough pressure, push hard enough, and come loose from each other with a satisfying pop. She doesn’t quite realize we’re one thing, Eric and I. Not the ‘one flesh’ bullshit of the wedding ceremony. But one bone.  You can’t snap a bone in two with a delicious pop.  You have to hack, saw, destroy.

The book is bawdy and realistic about love, relationships, and cheating.  I found Powell immensely relatable when she describes her affair ending, the sadness and craziness which sets in — even after her first her book has become a mega-hit. She is still on a quest for happiness; critical and financial success did not change her core. 

The only time I feel Powell moves off track are the passages I feel were added to make her book marketable. I could have done without all the meat metaphors – yes, I get she’s a cooking writer,  but just as much as Augusten Burroughs books should be in the mental health section.  And the entire traveling section seemed to be lifted from Eat, Pray, Love. Julie Powell is no Elizabeth Gilbert.  They shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same sentence. 

I look forward to Julie’s maturation as a writer and almost hope she doesn’t find true happiness – at least not until she writes another book.

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Say hello to your friends! Baby Sitters Club….

1 Jan

Kristy's Great Idea...the first book in the series. Can you guess what the idea was?

 I was SO EXCITED to see Ann M. Martin plans to write more Baby Sitters Club books appealing to younger readers in the NY Times yesterday.  Dibbly fresh, as Claudia Kishi would say.

I read a lot as a child, and spent most of my time between the ages of 8 – 10 in Stoneybrook, CT with Kristy, Claudia, Stacey, Dawn, and Mary Anne developing unrealistically high expectations of  my life at thirteen years old and babysitting. 

My best friend and I traded books, joined the fan club, and even tried to start our own baby sitting business…until we realized no one would hire us.

As I got older, I realized the silliness of the books.  They were outdated (constant references to perms, leggings, over-sized shirts), lacked subtlety (half the character’s parents were divorced, the ethnicity of every “diverse” character was explained),  and were unrealistic (13-year olds regularly baby sat 10-year olds, always met boyfriends on vacations, had practically no adult supervision ever).

But I still love them, the way I love kitchy, dramatic reality shows.  Until the new book comes out about the summer before the club starts, check out these websites, aimed at adults that still love the BSC but with a healthy sense of irony and sarcasm.

BSC Headquarters (recaps of every book, maybe NSFW – the BSC has a lot of unexplored sexual tension!)

Baby Sitters Club Boards (message boards to discuss every aspect of the BSC)

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Are you Indian?

17 Jun

This afternoon, when I visited the Dunkin’ Donuts in the T station, the woman behind the counter asked me the title question of this post.

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I was a little startled: strangers asking me if I am Indian could either be stumbling into some attempt at multiculturalism that usually ends up semi-racist or hitting on me.

This one was neither: the woman thrust a copy of Rudyard Kipling’s Kim into my hands, quickly explaining someone had left it earlier in the day.  She seemed so excited to find an actual Indian to give it to, I felt I had to accept it.

Later, a girl working in a boutique I stopped into explained it was about British imperialism in India. Sounds like an interesting book.  And I bought this cute tote at the boutique!

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I hope I won't look like a tourist carrying this bag around Cambridge.

I also stumbled upon the Globe Corner Bookstore, a cool store specializing in maps, travel literature, and guidebooks.  After a perusal of the Indian section, I noticed no books about my ancestral home, the city of Hyderabad, India, had received enough acclaim to be stocked there, unlike books about Mumbai or Calcutta.  Maybe I could be the first writer to get noticed!

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A display at Globe Corner - I love the old-fashioned globes!

And the cap to a pleasant day was listening to a woman with the strongest Boston accent I’ve heard since arriving relay a totally innapropriate story on the phone while riding the bus home:

“So he told me he wanted anothah woman as a gihlfriend and me on the side.”

“Yeah, I slept with him anyways.”

“What a wicked stupid guy.”

So yeah, it was a good day.

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Famous Brown Girl: Medha Patkar

14 Jun

This year, my Business Law professor focused on indigenous people in Central America displaced by the building of dams, such as the Panama Canal.  Though building such dams is meant to improve the often undeveloped country’s economic situation, it usually only benefits the upper class.  

Protests are often ineffective since the dam builders are usually the government aided by a first-world country like the United States.  I have great admiration for anyone who stands up to these powerful people to protect their land.

 

Photo: publicradio.org

Photo: publicradio.org

I recently discovered Medha Patkar, certainly deserving of Famous Brown Girl status for her social activism, most notably for going on a hunger strike to prevent the raising of a dam across the Narmada River in Gujarat, India.  

She was a leading spokesperson for the Narmada Bachao Andolan, an NGO seeking to mobilize those affected by the dam construction.  Though the Indian government ultimately struck down their appeals, Patkar and NBA raised awareness for the issues and people displaced. Patkar was honored with awards from the BBC and Amnesty International.

To learn about the issues surrounding dam construction, I recommend reading Confessions of An Economic Hit Man.

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Summer Beach Reads: Judy Blume

10 Jun

On my Facebook profile, under “Favorite Books” I have listed ‘any of Judy Blume’s masterpieces.’  I’m only half joking because although I have classic books I love, I read Judy Blume’s adult novels over and over again.  Here are her three most popular, which I reread at least once a year.  

    

1. Summer Sisters. The first time I read this coming-of-age tale of two friends, around age eleven or so, I thought of it as pornographic.  Looking back, the scenes described are pretty tame but they do make me wonder if Blume thought of Margaret and Nancy engaging in the same hetero-flexible activities in the pre-teen aimed Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret?  Summer Sisters is fairly well-written, though I think the ending is weak.  The character development is strong enough to ignore a few underdeveloped plots.  Most of the book takes place during the summers on Martha’s Vineyard, making it a perfect vacation read.  Especially fun if you’re traveling with girlfriends.

2. Wifey is actually a sad book, given that it’s about a trapped housewife struggling in pre-women’s lib suburbia.  Reading it is actually interesting from an anthropological perspective: upwardly mobile Jewish families, relations between the newly affluent families and their hired minority help, and the growing tension between husband and wife during the sexual revolution.  ’Wifey’ Sandy’s extra-marital exploits may get tired but you’ll be very glad to be living in the twenty-first century.

3. Smart Women are who Sandy and her friends would be if they lived in the ’80s.  Three divorced women deal with bratty children, bratty ex-husbands, and bratty lovers.  The women all have successful careers and relationships with men of their choosing – but they still have problems.  Which begs the question: Are women really better off now? This last novel is the heaviest but Judy Blume’s trademark wit shines through.

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Book Review: Antonya Nelson

5 Jun

 

Photo:amazon.com

Photo: amazon.com

I first discovered Antonya Nelson in a short story published in The New Yorker called “Or Else.”  The library at the university I studied abroad in Rome was small but had back issues of magazines I used to read in between classes, enjoying the peacefulness.

I saw a collection of Nelson’s short stories in the library recently and didn’t realize I had read her before until I got to “Or Else.” Nothing Right is a bittersweet, poignant collection; the drama concerns family difficulties and the ensuing ripples.  Most of the stories don’t have the big ending twist that are too common among the work of acclaimed writers.  All of the families were relatable in some way, despite their complications.  My favorite passage from the story, “Shauntrelle,” has wisps of my own relationship with my father:

Her husband William had been adamant about the paper.  Their daughter had developed his habits, every morning the two of them sighing over the war, scoffing at malapropisms in headlines or quotes.  His intention had been to educate her, but Constance thought it only made the girl feel depressed and superior, which was perhaps the same thing as being educated.

Each story is a fairly quick read, so it’s great for summer travel reading that makes you think.  Especially if you’re traveling with your family.

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My Problem with Jhumpa Lahiri

31 May

 

Photo: barnesandnoble.com I wasnt impressed with the movie version of The Namesake

Photo: barnesandnoble.com I wasn't impressed with the movie version of The Namesake

Jhumpa Lahiri is the most visible Indian-American writer in the world.  She may even be the most famous person in recent history to write about the immigrant experience in America. I respect her many achievements, including winning a Pulitzer Prize for her first book of short stories, Interpreter of Maladies.  I am happy the Indian-American experience has gained so much exposure thanks to her.  But I have a few issues with the way Indian families are often portrayed in her books and I worry that hers is the only audible voice from a diverse, vibrant, growing community.

After reading all three of Lahiri’s books, I notice a common theme in her portrayal of the nuclear Indian immigrant family: the workaholic, emotionally distant father, the homemaker wife with no life of her own, and a confused, sad child navigating two cultures.

Indian women are devoted to taking care of their family, but that isn’t always their whole life.  Most of my mom’s Indian women friends have jobs.  Many of them are doctors, scientists, professors and have gone back to school in America, holding as demanding jobs as their husbands.  They aren’t as listless as the women in Lahiri’s stories: they are active in their community, assimilate to American culture, and don’t depend on their husbands to take care of their every need.

And yes, Indian men are usually very devoted to work: their career, after all, is what allowed them to immigrate to America.  But they aren’t all unfeeling or fail to appreciate their wives.  Though most of the marriages of my parent’s generation were “arranged” to some extent, it doesn’t mean the couples do not share love. 

I understand Lahiri can only speak for her own experience as the child of immigrants.  But my experience was different, and her work motivates me to write my own story and show the public that not all Indian families are unhappy in their own way.

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