Embarrassing confession: I LOVE the NY Times wedding announcements. Reading them is one of my favorite Sunday traditions. Second only to the weekly panic attack when I realize the next time I’ll wake up it will be Monday.
Reading the announcements always results in a rush of emotions: envy towards those in print, regret for not having an impressive life, longing for love, and of course mocking people’s stories. So one entry this week caught my eye: “Jesse D. Hendrich, a minister of the Church of Spiritual Humanism, officiated.”
I had no idea the Church of Spiritual Humanism even existed. It sounds kind of like a cult! I know humanism doesn’t involve higher powers and espouses the equality of all humans – I may have even referred to myself as one to impress some pretentious English major.
But it sounds kind of like a cult! I’ve been fascinated by cults since I read The Face on the Milk Carton in fourth grade. A girl is kidnapped from her family by a member of a cult who dumps the child with her own parents. Once I realized there was little to no chance of me being kidnapped, given my baby pictures and my ahem, ethnic uniqueness, I turned my interest to cults. Once my friend Jenn and I watched this special on the Jonestown massacre and I wished I could somehow join a cult but not get brainwashed, just to observe.
It probably isn’t as exciting as it sounds though. Actually talking to a Humanism minister would probably be like talking to that guy at a house party who tells you about his amazing screenplay while he smokes clove cigarettes and adjusts his fedora. Also, it reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George invents a charity called “The Human Fund.”
I still want my wedding announced in the NY Times someday. Maybe I should start writing the tenets of Snehaism and invent my own religion? That has to up my odds of getting in.